Red Clover (2012) - Movie Review

What do you get when the director of Sharknado writes a St. Patricks Day theme horror movie?

An absolute dumpster fire, that’s what.

Let’s discuss.

Red Clover is a 2012 horror film brought to us by director Drew Daywalt and writer Anthony C. Ferrante. Don’t know them, don’t worry they won’t be here long. Daywalt has done very little before or since this film and Ferrante’s claim to fame is writing the original Sharknado for Sci-Fi channel.

To call this a film is extremely generous.

This is an affront to entertainment.

I kind of thought the film would be passable due to the presence of Billy Zane and the reliable legend William Devane, but woooooooooah baby, was I wrong.

The film focuses on Karen O’Hara, a young woman on the cusp of adulthood. Raised by her single father with the help of her cooky grandfather—she’s never felt quite right. One day, while hunting feral pigs with her grandfather she picks an odd red clover that melts into her palm. Little did she know the mark holds terrible significance. As people begin to be brutally murdered, Karen must decipher the mystery surrounding her town and the monster lurking in the woods beyond. Will she be able to stave off the curse an slay the beast, or will she burn alongside the rest of the town.

I’m sorry, that’s about all I could do to summarize. There’s more actual story and plot in my shitty synopsis than there is in the film.

This script may as well been written on toilet paper. None of the characters talk like humans. Even William Devane, one of the most likable actors in the industry, struggles to bring anything to the table given what’s provided for him to say.

This feels like they were writing the script day to day.

Billy Zane’s character shifts between 3 different accents and personalities depending on who is in the scene with him. It’s pretty obvious neither he, nor Devane wanted to be there. The only decent scenes in the entire movie are 2 between Devane and Zane. This is most likely due to the plank of wood named Courtney Halverson cast as the lead. You can really tell Devane and Zane overact in their scenes with her in an attempt to give her some energy, but she only has 1 facial expression and sucks the life out of every scene—which is unfortunate, because she is in about 85% of the film.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s gorgeous—but much like the other “teens” in the film, she looks about 28 when she’s supposed to be 16—and also like the other “teens,” she’s at a level below community theater standards.

The lighting is awful, mostly shot with true daylight. Which isn’t a great idea if you are shooting a low budget film with terrible practical effects.

The monster-leprechaun of the film looks more like the faun from Pan’s Labyrinth, except if it were made of papermache smeared over a dirty morph suit.

This movie is a slog.

In one respect, it’s almost impressive that the film makes 88 minutes feel like 4 hours, but in all other respects—

I Hate it.

Don’t watch this film.

If you decide you need to ruin your day, this one is available on most free services including VUDU with ads.