Smiley (2012) - Movie Review
What do you get when YouTubers from the “Golden-Age” of vlogging decide to make a movie that manages to rip-off off Scream, Slenderman, Candyman and Urban Legend while failing to achieve even a minuscule amount of the success of any of those IP’s? Wait, did I tell you the film “stars” alleged pedo and confirmed trash-human Shane Dawson?
Are you ready?
Are you sure?
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Let’s Discuss.
Smiley is a piece of shit “movie” brought to us by a part-time performer on Totally Sketch and director of many other terrible Youtube-centric projects including Logan Paul’s terrible series The Thinning, Michael J. Gallagher. The film attempts to be a taught thriller, but the three writers on the project, yes, three people “wrote” this steaming pool of cess-cinema, failed to reach even a modicum of tension. Instead what we get is a lead actress, Caitlin Gerard, who flails about with the wooden, glassy-eyed enthusiasm of a waking coma patient and Shane Dawson attempting to play the straight male lead who is ironically called Pedo-Bear in the movie. If nothing else, the script had this one brilliant prophetic irony. This movie isn’t so bad it’s good, it’s so bad that it almost instantaneously disappeared from pulp culture, even though it starred Youtube sensations of the time.
Gross right?
You ain’t seen nothing yet.
This film attempts to utilize the Bloody Mary / Candyman concept with teens staring into their computer monitors and reciting a magical phrase. The simple, ominous repititation of Candyman, Candyman, Candyman… is replaced with…
Wait for it…
I did it for the lulz…
Remember that meme from the late 2000’s?
No, neither does anyone else.
That’s why you don’t base your story on concepts or idioms that will easily become dated. Utilizing expired idioms is one of the quickest ways to make a project irrelevant available to modern artists. Because we live in a time of immemorable culture. Unlike the Roaring Twenties or the Excessive 80’s, we have nothing to remember. What have you done for me lately has become our global motto in the wake of the rise of our online overlords. So, post Y2K there really isn’t anything worth adding to the Encyclopedia, especially in the 2010’s and moreso 2010’s Youtube.
Even Youtube is trying to distance itself from the Vlogging culture of that era with stars of that vapid, 4Loko age. With Jenna Marbles in exile, David Dobrik exposed as a terrible / racist human being, and Shane Dawson demonetized, there has been a push to scrub this embarrassing and controversial content from the platform. Considering all three of the mentioned Bloggers utilized racial slurs and performed in black face on their channels at different places, I can’t blame Youtube for wanting them to go away.
But I can blame Youtube for not preventing their bullshit from happening or providing them the financial means to keep them in the public eye, no matter how miniscule. These are talentless monsters masquerading as influencers. The only one of this bunch that has redeemed themselves in my eyes is Logan Paul, which is the person I thought least apt to do so. As he actually admitted fault, was contrite, and seems that matured somewhat after his multiple controversies. The others, much like the professional kaiju and alleged predator Jeffree Starr, have begun to fade away.
Unlike this film, which I can’t unsee.
But here’s the thing, there’s nothing memorable other than how awful it is. Ask me a character’s name outside of the oddly racist name of Shane Dawson’s character, Binder and I couldn’t tell you. None of these characters have any personality in the script and the actor’s fail to provide any sort of charismatic spark to lift them out of the proverbial muck.
What’s sad is, there are decent actors in this movie. The previously mentioned Caitlin Gerard is an accomplished actress who gave a tour-de-force performance in 2018’s The Wind. Roger Bart has starred in Revenge and Desperate Housewives to only name two of the dozen hit shows in which he has starred. Keith David is in this movie…
KEITH DAVID in in this movie!
Keith, my man, you better have gotten a fucking golf-check with a lot of zeroes. You are so much better than this film. You are one of my childhood heroes and a flat-out legend. If you didn’t know, Keith David is one of the greatest African American actors of all time, scratch that, one of the best actors of all time period. His CV is legendary with performances in everything from They Live, The Thing, Mister Roger’s Neighborhood, and for most famously for people my age as the voice of Goliath from Disney’s Gargoyles.
With production values equivalent to a community theater play including terrible lighting, musical score, and special effects, there just isn’t a reason to watch this movie.
It’s a lost film that no one is looking for.
While the writers and director blame online trolls for sinking this film, it’s obvious the fault lies with them.
This is a poor attempt to cash in on other people’s original ideas and to trick the Youtube audience into paying for full price tickets to a their half-assed film.
Youtube influencers scamming their fans?
That never happens right?
Please don’t watch this movie and please don’t waste your attention on Shane Dawson. Don’t help lowlife “alleged” predators proliferate their filth any further.
PS. I watched this film illegally as no to support the filmmakers or Shane.
