Bullet Train (2022) - Movie Review

What do you get when you take one of the best casts of the decade, add-in glorious production design, Tarantino levels of violence and stir them into a fast moving train?

One of the best movies of the year.

No, I’m not hyperbolizing due to having just watched that Shit Glacier (Blood Glacier) movie.

It’s really that good.

Still don’t believe me?

What if I told you a grown-up Kickass and a grown-up Percy Jackson (the lightening thief) share a scene together?

Oh and the cast is so loaded that the amazing Karen Fukuhara and Hiro (Masi Oka) are relegated to cameo appearances.

Oh, and Michael Shannon has a samurai duel with the greatest living Japanese actor, the living legend—Hiroyuki Sanada!

Oh and if I haven’t mentioned it—you get one of Brad Pitt’s best performances following up his masterful turn in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Oh, a cast doesn’t make a movie? Don’t you dare bring up Bonfire of the Vanities, you twat.

That wasn’t a cast as much as an Ego Soup.

This movie is a group of fine actors who obviously love the material and you can see they are enjoying their asses off.

Bullet Train was conceived by action movie legend Antoine Fuqua based on the award winning graphic novels by Kotaro Isaka. If that name sounds familiar, his work was also adapted into another hit film in the Asian markets called Grasshopper (2015). If that doesn’t ring any bells, his work could be seen as a direct influence on the ideas shown / ripped off in the John Wick films.

The film centers on an operative codenamed Ladybug (Brad Pitt) as he is called to fill in for the mysterious Carver on a smash and grab job. He’s been going through a mid-life crisis concerning his career and the idea of fate, karma, and his own bad luck. Especially when the supposedly easy job of grabbing a suitcase from the luggage rack turns into a hyper speed descent through the neon-tinged ghosts of his past. As assassins, evil princes, and the specter of the White Death all circle around him—will he be able to disembark or will his body join all the others riding the Bullet Train?

This movie is cinematic perfection. Much like the criminally underrated 2010 film Bunraku, this movie leans into it’s asian influences. It’s fast cuts, neon, and a whole lot of action. The special effects are incredible, the lighting and set design is impeccable, and the visual storytelling is on a whole ‘nother level.

This movie tells the story of every single character. From the fruit brothers and their attempt to just do the job and get on with their lives to the venomous hornet who enjoys killing with the incredibly painful toxin of the Boomslang snake, every character gets their time in the sun.

What’s amazing to me is that this film has so much heart and story packed into it, but never slows down. Non-verbal storytelling is utilized with aplomb. That’s not to say this is a short film, far from it.

The film clocks in at 2 hours and 6 minutes.

Yet, it felt like it was about 86 minutes long. There’s never a moment of real downtime. The action stops of course, but only to give the audience a break and palate cleanser before the next incredible set-piece.

I won’t be doing a spoiler section as the surprises and reveals are all so amazing and hilarious that I don’t want to ruin them for first time viewers.

All I can say is that every single person gets their comeuppance in the end and every single storyline is wrapped up with a beautifully tied, blood-red bow.

This movie is incredible. Watch it.

It’s currently streaming on both Netflix and Amazon Prime.